Not That Anybody Asked...
But, how do you not fucking care about what you are eating? Is there anything in life that you have more control over then what you put in your mouth?
****
I was going to go to the beach but it’s raining. —>No control there.
I was going to pick my friend up at the airport but someone stole my car! —>Nope. No control. I hope my friend understands.
I was going to lose weight by having grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner but instead I ordered a pizza with chicken wings and a two liter bottle of coke. —> You fucking idiot.
****
I realize I have a potential four people that might check this blog from time to time but I write this as if no one was ever going to read it, and this is a post I should probably not write because its evidence that I’m a complete 100% asshole that lives life with no empathy for others and deserves nothing but the worst. But that evidence is only circumstantial, and I can assure anyone who reads this that it’s really only half-true. Oh well.
The other day I went to buy food at the supermarket. And I asked myself, “what do I need?” And I thought about it for a second- toothpaste, cups, chicken, vegetables and eggs. That was quick. That was easy.
Then I wondered, why can’t other people do this? Why do people feel like they need to eat the crappiest fucking crap on the planet in order to be living a life of freedom? Why can’t they feel the need to volunteer, travel, or get the most out of their body to the same degree? Is it psychological? Is it human nature? Are they victims?
Does any of this matter? Because again- who the hell is picking your menu? Honestly, it wasn’t until I asked these questions of myself that I lived life as a victim of circumstances instead of by design. But sometimes you don’t realize you’re having all the decisions made for you until you’re in a place you don’t want to be and being held accountable for these decisions.
I think the only reason I get fired up over this is because I see that we’re living in sympathetic times that are only leading to individual complacency instead of inner strength. And I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. But I’m observant. What help is it to a person when you give them advice that errs on the side of sensitive instead of effective? Yet that’s all we get these days. Some school districts have banned red ink because it’s too harsh on children. They might think they answered a question wrong or something- when, umm, they did.
When I see a generation of people being offered life-advice that liberates like a 2 ton chain locked around your ankle because the advice is “sensitive” instead of a concerned reality check chock full of solutions that will help- I get fucking sick; because I’d hate to think I’m living my life that way. Yes. It really is always about me.
I just lived my life too long, haha probably only til I was 17 but still, thinking that playing by the rules means everything works out. This isn’t to imply I break the rules and/or don’t care about who gets hurt along the way or whatever to get what I want; by no means is that how I would EVER strive to live.
But I don’t expect ANYTHING to just work out. If you want it to happen- I don’t care what it is- you have to MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN. And typically, going with the flow is not the way to do that. Especially if you want a drastic and significant change. And still there are some areas of my life that I feel “stuck” in, but I realize it’s up to me to get it together. And its not going to just happen.
Sometimes when I’m feeling like that I just look in the mirror and go “get it together you fucking pussy.” It’s what Ryan Philippe said to himself in Cruel Intentions when he found himself crushed, at absolute rock bottom, over a girl. It always resonated with me- I think because that movie made me realize the importance of never giving control of your emotions over to anyone else- when I used to think that’s what love was. That movie resonates with me for a number of reasons but it warrants another posting…
I heard someone once say, “I want a diet that allows me to eat fettuccine Alfredo and sweets,” and they were dead fucking serious. They said it like it made complete sense. What possible diet could that be? And furthermore, why would you ever subscribe to a diet that includes the foods that are, umm, killing you from the inside? And if you are so unhappy with your current state why would you choose a path that reinforces your same negative behaviors? Don’t you want a fucking change?! Shit man- I want to change something else about me just writing this (probably my level of tolerance and/or sympathy would be a good place to start)!
And honestly, if people want to commit to a suicide diet because despite the consequences they just legitimately love mozzarella sticks and artificial butter topping, fine. Whatever. More power to you. How could you not respect that? But at the same time, why does anyone have to coddle to these people when they say its hard to lose weight? It’s really not. My favorite question that I’ve been asked “what’s your secret?”
Here’s what I said, “I don’t know. I just do it.” I didn’t cop an attitude. I didn’t launch into a tirade. I answered like I really didn’t know how to do it.
Look- I understand some people are not always at the stage of being able to take the leap into full dedication- and they really can’t wrap their head around how other people do it. How do I know this? Because I’ve been there and it fucking sucks. It feels like you are just stuck on the shit fucking side of an unclimbable wall- it feels like you were just chosen by God to be there because in reality you never consciously made the choice to be there. Life’s just a snowball rolling down a hill that gets bigger- some people’s snowball picks up good habits, some people’s picks up bad habits. And one day your life is just the culmination of them.
One day you woke up and noticed that’s where you were- the shit fucking side of the wall, and you thought it was normal, until you noticed other people living with ripped abs at the beach, splashing lingerie models in the water, living life like a fucking beer commercial- while you were just living life with the beer gut. And you would literally do anything to just get launched on to that other side of the wall and start living life a like a health nut- because you want what they have and you know that the life you are living is not the life that you want- you just have no idea how to make that initial leap and escape your snowball’s circumstances. **For the record, I’m still trying to live life like a beer commercial.
But err, umm, secret? Are there not entire sections at book stores devoted to diet and exercise books? If there’s anyone trying to keep this a secret well then they’re doing the worst fucking job on the planet- it must be the responsibility of a state senator or something.
I often think of Brian the dog’s answer to Meg on Family Guy when she asked him his secret to weight loss- his response…
“Put down the fork!”
If anyone told me to put down the fork I’d stab them with it. Not because I have a love affair with cutlery but because I have a love affair with eating. I eat all the time. I love food. I love delicious food. I despise broccoli- but I eat it. Why? Because I also despise cancer and broccoli prevents it.
And here in lies the difference between people who lose weight and people who eat like they are trying to get on The Biggest Loser, the way people take singing lessons to get on American Idol. Both aspirations are vapid to say the least in my opinion, but I think at least one is respectable and takes personal sacrifice.
I love eating things that aren’t going to kill me. That’s what makes them so damn delicious. I really can’t enjoy a Big Mac or french fries because I enjoy fitting comfortably into airplane seats and I feel with each one I wolf down my pants tighten. I love not being tired after eating. I’m not terribly athletic, but I love being able to run and pick up a football after I missed the catch someone threw to me.
If you want to eat right but feel like you just can’t, raise your fucking standards and know the true cost of what you’re eating. Stop looking at weight loss as something that would take years to reap the rewards of and realize that you won’t have these years to take for granted if you don’t change now.
Alright…I’m done. I’ll stop.
